McGuire ears

If you've got McGuire ears, I think you tend to become exhausted in countries where they speak a language you don't understand.

My brain, on languages

McGuire ears, for those of you not from my mom's side of the family, are a genetic blessing passed down from generation to generation, allowing their bearer to listen to, follow, and respond to multiple conversations at the same time. They originate from my maternal grandmother and her sisters. They do not allow just simple multitasking. They are a gift that only the chosen can truly appreciate. Unfortunately, this blessing backfires in countries where you don't speak the language. It becomes a constant struggle to understand what people are saying when they are speaking to you, becoming hopelessly futile when trying to eavesdrop on others' conversations. Your ears, double-edged swords that they are, now provide way too much information for your brain to observe, let alone understand. A battle rages in your head, with no winner and shear exhaustion on all sides.

I think it might be even harder with languages you understand a little - for me, French, Krio, and now, Thai. In these languages, I can feel my ears and brain lighting up every time I hear a word I may understand. When I first arrived in Thailand, I understood few words: lucky for my brain (and unlucky for my cultural assimilation). I understood hello (sawatdee ka), thank you (khab kun ka), yes (chai), two (song), small road (soi), road/street (thanon), fish (bplaa), foreigner (farang), and the next station is (sa-thaa-nee dtoo pbai). Now, I understand quite a bit more... but that only makes it harder for my poor ears and brain to keep up! When I hear spoken Thai now, my McGuire ears kick in, trying desperately to understand what the speaker is saying. And, usually, failing miserably. Sometimes, I'll be trying to understand what my colleagues are talking about at lunch (an easier task now that I'm familiar with their Thai a bit more), when someone behind me will start speaking English. "English?!?!," my confused brain asks. "Yes ENGLISH," my ears reply. And then I'm completely lost from the conversation I was trying to follow, and I now know that the farang behind me doesn't like beets. Not useful, brain, not useful.

Ok, so this guy looks angry,
but you get my point?

While I can understand quite a bit of Thai (and speak quite a bit), I am not up to the task of understanding spoken Thai between Thais. It's like trying to understand someone from Long Island speaking when you're from South Carolina... except it's not ever the same language! To top it all off, I was on a trip last weekend where my friend and I were grouped with a Russian-language tour. (First question, why are there so many Russians in Thailand? Second question, where are all the English-speakers?) So this crazy Russian man (with an Indian man mustache, see image, right) is going on and on in Russian, taking 20 minutes when our Thai guide, who speaks delightful English, said the same things in about 5 minutes. And, what do I do? Observe the scenery? No. Take a nap? No. Talk to our Thai guides? No... I try to understand the Russian-Indian-man-mustache guy... like all of a sudden, I'll understand Russian.

Ah, McGuire ears.

(Maybe this is reason number 1 in favor of returning to the USA?)